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Joke of the Day

"And then there was the UCLA professor who opened up his vest pulled out his tie and wet his pants."

"I was going to tell you a joke about Alzheimers But I just don't remember it now"

"Did you hear about the terrible kidnapping? Yeah. He woke up. :)"

"What's a crohn's patient's favourite punctuation? A semi-colon!"

"You know that brain-dead zone you go to in the middle of a cardio workout? Is that where dogs always are?"

"I said to the chemist: ""Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?"" He said: ""Why?"" I said: ""She keeps waking up."""

"I drink every time I tell a bad joke. Hey, it's worth a shot."

"My nan's star sign is cancer. It's pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten by a giant crab."

"When I die, I'd like my coffin to be filled with Reese's Pieces so on my headstone it can say ""R.I.R.P."""

"My whole life has felt like one big hammock and everybody is watching me try to get out of it."