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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces? Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them."

"*4yo son, crying* I'm sorry! How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to cook the macaroni necklace? *sigh* Parenting is hard."

"What's the best drug to have sex on? Birth control."

"What is a 6.9? A great thing, ruined by a period"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Apple ! Apple who ? Apple the door myself!"

"I just found a jar in the fridge, with expiry date 21/12/2012. I looked at it twice, and indeed, it was mayannaise!"

"I had to throw away a whole carton eggs this morning. They were all starting to grow a little fowl."

"Anybody can piss on the floor but it takes a great man to shit on the ceiling"

"What do you call a noisy Chinese dog? How-Ling (my dad wanted me to post this)"

"Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a ""clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend"" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM"