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Joke of the Day

"I just found a jar in the fridge, with expiry date 21/12/2012. I looked at it twice, and indeed, it was mayannaise!"

"Hey, maybe one time we could make a sitcom where the husband is out of the wife's league and the wife says stupid shit all the time."

"What is brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre."

"I totally bombed my LSATs by writing in ""Possession"" for nine-tenths of the answers."

"I'm not saying pregnant woman aren't attractive I'm just saying, It'd feel weird giving some random unborn child dimples."

"How does Jack Frost get to work? By icicles"

"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"" [ c/o /u/jubileo5 ]"

"What do you call ten Frenchmen who stand in front of their goalie for 90 minutes? Dix."

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 10% off"

"What is yellow and wears a mask? The Lone Lemon."