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Joke of the Day

"I just found a jar in the fridge, with expiry date 21/12/2012. I looked at it twice, and indeed, it was mayannaise!"

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"""Watch me smell my wine."" - white people"
"Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL"
"My priest's been buying tonnes of kittens lately... I think he's a Cat-a-holic."
"Kim Jong Un ""When I said nuke the Chinese, I meant microwave the takeout from yesterday!"""
"How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room."
"Anyone who shows up late to work, wearing shades and clutching a Gatorade is about to tell a lie."
"What is green and goes backwards at 1000 miles per hour/ (Snorts)"
"What did Charlie Manson get his fiancee? A blood diamond... (doh!)"
"Why did a Mexican man throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila."