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Joke of the Day

"If you cross a telephone and a pair of scissors what do you get? Snippy answers."

"Afraid to fly? It's perfectly safe except that air traffic controllers are all gov't employees forced to work the holidays. Merry Xmas."

"Have you ever met a person, & knew straight away that they were 'the one'? Yah. I had to take a restraining order out too."

"Why didn't Pinocchio make it thru puberty? He caught on fire."

"I would never cheat in a relationship because that would require two people finding me attractive."

"This girl wanted to marry a ghost. I can't think what possessed her."

"What's the difference between a Piano and a Fish? You can tune a piano but you can't Tuna Fish!"

"I was sitting in a bar... When a guy yells out, ""Linda why didn't you give your mom any grandkids?"" She yelled back, ""Because I swallowed them all!"""

"If i could have dinner with anyone alive or dead i would probably just cancel on them at the last minute"

"Wooden leg. My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him ""What was the name of his other leg?"""