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Joke of the Day

"When does John Cena get scared? When John CENA ghost!"

"(Watching Liar Liar) Wife: If you couldn't lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married? Me: Until the end of this movie."

"It's gonna be a sad day when Twitter finds a way to delete spam accounts and we realize there are only twelve of us on here."

"Sometimes when I look into the toilet I realize that I'm not a regular guy."

"I want to tattoo ""platform 9 and 3/4"" over my ass 'cause you wouldn't think you'd get in there but you can Edit:words"

"Why did the pigeon hate the crow? because he was in the coo klux klan"

"What do you call a math teacher that assigns graphs with holes and assymptotes on tests? Asshole."

"You guys wanna see something cool? http://www.fda.gov/ucm/groups/fdagov-public/documents/image/ucm197598.bmp"

"""Toothpaste? You made that word up!"" - Steve Bushemi"

"If a girl stabbed me on our first date, how many days should I wait to ask her out again?"