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Joke of the Day

"""Toothpaste? You made that word up!"" - Steve Bushemi"

"So I was dating this girl... ...she was so posh, every time she had an orgasm she'd scream: ""I'm arriving!"""

"Why is gay marriage an issue? Because people are fucking assholes."

"A man and a boy are walking through a dark forest. The boy says to the man ""I'm scared."" The man says, ""You're scared? I have to walk out of here alone!"""

"Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight? Oops, this was supposed to be for /r/explainlikeimfive. There's no punch line!"

"A woman is looking at herself naked in the mirror ....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband ""I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"" Husband says ""well, your eyesight is spot on"""

"What is the national vegetable of Germany? *Michael Schumacher.*"

"Two mods walk into a bar... [deleted]"

"What's the hot new romance novel for nerds 256 shades of grey"

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish person? None."