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Joke of the Day

"It's gonna be a sad day when Twitter finds a way to delete spam accounts and we realize there are only twelve of us on here."

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"Batman obsessively searches the freezer and Alfred says ""What are you looking for!?"" ""Just-ice!"""
"Backstreet Boys: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely. Me: *slow dances with cats around a pot of mac & cheese*"
"What do women and Tony Stark have in common? They are both Fe Males."
"[Blackstreet Bakery] Me: [watching the baker kneading dough] ""I love the way you work it"" Baker: ""No diggity?"" Me: ""Baguette up."""
"Sorry for loudly singing ""Whoomp there it is!"" when you took your pants off. It's been a while."
"Who wants to go to Florida with me? I heard the clubs are to die for."
"Why do people want attention of 1000 pies? because it's their sen-pais~"
"I hope my kids love the gifts they receive for Christmas so I'll have more things to take away when I need to punish them"
"What is everyone using to scrape ice off their windscreen? This morning I used a discount card from my wallet, but it was no good. I only got 20% off.....!!"