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Joke of the Day

"[firetruck honks its obnoxiously loud horn] [goose in the distance hears it] ""Oh shit guys, that sounds like my wife. Gotta fly"""

"She- get lost Me- *jumps in her wardrobe*"

"I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise. Oh no miss I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either."

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out of the chamber alive..."

"Why are spectators so happy with their jobs? Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

"CONDUCTOR: Oh my dad's in the audience [waves to dad] [orchestra goes crazy]"

"When I was little and asked Mom how to spell a word she'd hand me a dictionary so when she asked how to do emojis I handed her a 13-year-old"

"Wait so does Smashing Pumpkins refer to destroying pumpkins or are they just super good pumpkins in England"

"Why did the remorseful child-molester paint his toe-nails? He thought it would be a pedicure. ^^^sorry."

"If Gandalf was a women, what color would her robes be? Red."