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Joke of the Day

"CONDUCTOR: Oh my dad's in the audience [waves to dad] [orchestra goes crazy]"

"'Escalator' is what He-Man's enemy is called in Spain."

"My friend and I always fight over the electric drill It can get a little bit heated."

"I rank my kids by how many chores they do and how much they complain. My favorite child is the Roomba."

"A joke for the cerebral...What do you call it when a bunch of crows agree to meet later? Premeditated murder."

"What do you call an angry white elephant that likes crushing donkeys and darker elephants? Donald Trunk."

"I thought the big NYC ball was mechanically operated but I guess not. I heard Mariah Carey dropped it last night during her performance."

"Why did Bill Cosby go to the gynecologist? He heard they carried rape kits."

"How do you piss off a historian? Give them a tampon and say what period is this from?"

"I have no idea who invented ballet dancing but I'm willing to bet good money it was a guy trying to sneak back into bed after coming home pissed from a bar"