29355

Joke of the Day

"One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day."

"we need a cold and annoying genius type, who should we cast? [Benedict Cumberbatch claws at the office window] hmmm who to cast? [he meows]"

"It still makes me sad to think there are people out there who have a favorite Kardashian."

"What do you call a vehicle with no fuel in Africa? Outtagascar"

"This mallard waddled into a bar... Should've ducked."

"Why did the foot smile? He was toe very happy. Jesus that is awful."

"What was the warlock's favorite cookbook? The Necronomnomnomicon."

"The SS officer went blind... when he did NOT-SEE things."

"I have a bumper sticker that says ""Honk if you think I'm sexy"" I then wait at green lights 'til I feel better about myself."

"My grandma got breast cancer and is getting a mastectomy. That's certainly a weight off her chest."