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Joke of the Day

"Why did the foot smile? He was toe very happy. Jesus that is awful."

"What do you call a fast clothes maker? Taylor Swift! Made up by my nine year old :)"

"Before you do that- think, Would an idiot do that? Then, don't do that."

"aesop: man what you did was not cool. like imagine if a fox did what you did to me, and i was a goose. that makes it much clearer right?"

"Our last fight was my fault.. My wife asked me ""whats on the tv?"" I said ""dust."""

"Picture me eating dinner. Wrong! Louder. Drunker. Even more backup dancers."

"*walks into bar with camera* Me: Can I take a shot of this glass? Bartender: Take a pitcher, it'll last longer"

"I hate it when I accidentally grab two pieces of pizza and then have to eat the whole thing to keep it even."

"What did the right breast say to the left breast in the mirror? You look like a right tit in that."

"January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, Cucumber..."