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Joke of the Day

"My prison cell-mate just asked me if I was tight. Why does he care about how I spend my money?"

"After being away from Reddit for a day, how do you keep up with what you missed? You go to 9gag."

"What do you do if a black man is harassing you? Tell his owner."

"If you #Calexit-ers think you hate Trump NOW... Just wait until you have to foot the bill for the Californian extension of The Wall."

"What do you say to a feminist with no arms or legs? Nice tits, bitch."

"Carrie Knock! Knock! Who's there? Carrie. Carrie who? Carrie on with what you're doing, I'm at the wrong door."

"I once bought an e. e. cummings poem collection.. It was the worst game of Mad Libs ever."

"I told a girl she would look better with her hair back and she got really offended. Chemo patients are so sensitive."

"Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor."

"This guy told me he got a puppy for his wife... ...wish I could make a trade like that!"