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Joke of the Day

"Me:*delete pics* IPhone: you sure? M:Yes IP: Ok I'll just put them over here Me:delete them IP: Ok *whispers* keeping them on the cloud tho"

"I have a giant penis. I've kept it in a jar ever since the giant died."

"Donald Trump, his publicist, and his ghostwriter walk into a bar... ""So you're alone tonight, Donnie?"""

"Why does it suck to be a black Jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven."

"I call bullshit on the Chinese language. There's no way that shit is real."

"If I'm guilty of anything it's only of loving too much, insider trading, public indecency, treason, arson, jaywalking, piracy & cannibalism."

"You have to keep changing your clocks for daylight savings Aint nobody got time fo dat shit but apparently errybody got time fo dat shit."

"Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now."

"Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft"

"Ice cream sandwich listens intently through the wall of the refrigerator as turkey and mayo whisper, ""He's not a real sandwich."""