87524

Joke of the Day

"If I'm guilty of anything it's only of loving too much, insider trading, public indecency, treason, arson, jaywalking, piracy & cannibalism."

"ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME (inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk): I thought u'd never ask"

"I love it when I see an old friend I haven't seen in years and pretend to not see them"

"What do you get if you cross a Boxer and a Painter? Mohammed Dali"

"I played Lady Gaga at Texas hold 'em. I lost because I fucking suck at cards."

"What's the best joke you know that's kid-safe? I know plenty of raunchy jokes, but was asked this recently and came up blank"

"Why are the_donald users not cucks? First of all you'd need a girlfriend to begin with."

"Surprised Scarlett Johansson didn't leg sweep Travolta, throw him over her should onto his back and put her foot on his throat."

"Why are under-endowed men likely to get lucky with homeopathic physicians? Because they like their dicks vanishingly small ..."

"Fun Fact: Cats call their pussies ""people"""