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Joke of the Day

"At school: Slutty girl: ugh my throat really hurts. Me: I bet your knees do too. Her: what Me: what"

"What's Helen Keller's favorite mouthwash? Jergen's lotion."

"I like to go to telemarketing firms and interrupt their job by eating my dinner loudly."

"Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army? I heard he was diploid. (I'll show myself out...)"

"What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel."

"Fucking in lifts is wrong on so many levels"

"So I went to a fortune teller and asked if I was going to get any action that night. She told me she didn't deal in self fulfilling prophecies."

"Rihanna's restraining order against Chris Brown says he cannot ""harass or annoy"" her. I want one of those against everyone ever."

"Gay roulette... ...when you have a glory hole and there's a 20% chance you're getting a dude."

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his cheeks Both of them"