194978

Joke of the Day

"I like to go to telemarketing firms and interrupt their job by eating my dinner loudly."

"If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year."

"I'm agnostic. What happens to me when I die? Idk. (I decay)"

"Why did the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out."

"Girls call me ugly until they find out how much money I have Then they call me ugly and poor"

"DAUGHTER: why did you name me Paris? ME: You were conceived on our honeymoon in Paris SON: OMG!! ME: (to son) what's wrong 97FordF150?"

"I got caught having sex with the secretary by my wife My wife was crying and saying you cant do this to me! I said: I Know thats why im doing it to her!"

"People that can't walk are so lame"

"I once illegally parked my vechile at a Foot Fetishists Convention to grab some good next door My vehicle got toed."

"""The Force Awakens"" had 0 people riding giant CGI lizards. How is that even science fiction? They might as well rename it ""Downton Abbey."""