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Joke of the Day

"Gay roulette... ...when you have a glory hole and there's a 20% chance you're getting a dude."

"Why can't tampons be friends? They're all stuck-up cunts."

"Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong."

"Enjoyed 3 minutes and 42 seconds of extra sleep this morning by letting my kids stay up 5 hours past their bedtime"

"I blink one eye at a time because flying squirrels can attack at any moment."

"Why do black guys always have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream."

"What's the difference between illegal and unlawful? Unlawful is against the law, whereas illegal is a sick bird. Note: This obviously works better when told than read."

"Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool."

"I suck my stomach in when ever I weigh myself!nnIt doesn't make me weigh less but at least I can see the numbers!"

"Where do people with ADHD go? To concentration camps."