28129

Joke of the Day

"Doctor: Your son is lactose intolerant Me: Oh my god [later that day] Me [runs into field and punches a cow]: That's for inventing milk"

"women and their purses! haha what's in there. tampons? lol. WATER? sweater? got sweaters? do you have an extra men's medium sweater in there"

"How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub."

"An Irishman goes for a job as a blacksmith He's asked ""have you ever shoed a horse before?"" ""No but I have told a donkey to fuck off"""

"The kid next door just challenged me to a water fight, so I thought I'd tweet this while I wait for the water to boil..."

"How can you tell when your girlfriend is too fat? She fits into your wife's clothes."

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? They hate to see men have a good time."

"[ORIGINAL] What's a priest's favorite cheese? Swiss. It's holey."

"A 3-year old boy A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet,' she replied."

"There are two types of men in the world... Men that pee in the sink Men that lie"