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Joke of the Day

"When arguing, I let the other person speak first, then help them see my point by starting with, ""Now, what I'm about to say is correct"""

"[me trying to do magic] Is this your card? ""No"" Is THIS your card? ""Not even close"" What about THIS? ""Trent thats literally a piece of ham"""

"Being a vegan makes no sence. My food is vegan so I dont have to be. Edit: Sense"

"""Stuff that alligator in that dolphin"" - God creating sharks"

"A reporter asks Chess genius, Gary Kasparov:""What do you prefer -- chess or sex? Gary replied, ""... depends on the position."""

"[dinner party] GUEST: so what are your thoughts on euthanasia? ME: [mouth full of mashed potatoes] I am against youths everywhere."

"Q: Why was the chessmaster interested in foreign women? A: He wanted a Czech mate."

"What's the difference between a rooster and a hooker? a rooster says cocka-doodle-doo a hooker says any cock will do."

"I got sacked from a job for smiling too much... I said, ""If I can't smile on the job, get yourself another undertaker."""

"I'm creeped out by the Hamburger Helper glove. ""Hi, I'm a dismembered hand here to help out with dinner."" No thanks."