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Joke of the Day

"[dinner party] GUEST: so what are your thoughts on euthanasia? ME: [mouth full of mashed potatoes] I am against youths everywhere."

"If you think Big Government is bad... Wait until you see *Yuge* Government."

"What spice can't be in sol food? Ginger."

"A guy gets the words ""I love you"" tattooed to his dick. He goes home to his wife, and she says, ""Stop trying to put words in my mouth."""

"I went to walmart today. I got the cart with three wheels and a hoof. This always happens to me."

"What's got two wings, a tail and twenty five pricks? England's return flight."

"If I were Hillary, I'd ask Michelle Obama to stay on as first lady."

"Some cool ways to trick a woman into bed include ""being kind,"" ""making her feel special"" & ""showing her respect."" They love that shit!"

"[climbs a Tibetan mountain for 6 days & stumbles out of breath into a Buddhist monastery] please. please tell me u have wifi"

"What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics? Legs."