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Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone who only watches Horror Anime? A Ouijaboo."

"One of the best ways to disguise the sound of a fart is to do it during the 4 claps in the Friends theme song."

"Yay! The healthcare reform bill passed! Waitress, a round of celebratory abortions for all my friends!"

"I think I'm about to be molested by an alpaca... Today some guy on the street kept screaming at me to ""be ready for the alpaca lips"""

"A skinny friend told me she's never hungry and just 'forgets to eat', so I drove her out to the woods and left her for dead. Is that wrong?"

"I just thought of this masterpiece... No. No, I didn't because nobody here is ever original."

"Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well I won't stand in your way."

"I'm no scientist, but I don't think it's possible for EVERYBODY to be kung fu fighting."

"Want to know how to stop the ""Not My President"" Riots? Play the National Anthem and they'll all kneel."

"In New York someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard."