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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the guy who ate his trousers? He pooped his pants!"
Next Joke
"Friend: What time is it? Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away) Friend: Well? Me: Well what?"
"What's the worst thing you could possibly hear after giving Willie Nelson a blow job? I'm not Willie Nelson."
"Life is like a box of chocolates It doesn't last as long for fat people"
"So this morning my fiance rolls over and says ,""honey I think I have a fever this morning."" To which I reply, ""pics or didn't happen."""
"Dryer settings: - not the least bit dry - shrunk to barely fit 12 yr old you"
"My son kneed himself on the trampoline. *black eye forming Me: Son, we need to come up with a better story than this."
"Croatian salary is like menstruation You get it once a month, it lasts 5-6 days and then you're fucked"
"Guests are like fish After three days, you should probably get rid of them."
"I saw a refrigerator call a cab once Guess he was tired of running."