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Joke of the Day

"Friend: What time is it? Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away) Friend: Well? Me: Well what?"

"So there's a child and a gorilla... Well there WAS a gorilla."

"If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable."

"Is it bad to feel the need to finish off prescription drugs before they expire? I don't have most of these ailments but they were expensive"

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like.. Bananas"

"A jewish guy asks his father for $20 His father replied, ""ten dollars? what in the world do you need five dollars for, I'd be happy to give you a dollar, here's a quarter."

"When four people arrive at a 4-way stop at the same time, it is required that they exit their vehicles and fight to the death."

"Anal, Something I'd get behind!"

"I hate restaurants where they won't let you bring your own mariachi band."

"I really suck at school, the only time I got an A+ is at the blood test."