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Joke of the Day

"You can call me Vladimir. Because I'm going to be Putin it in your butt <3"

"What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple? He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy."

"What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper? They both slowly remove clogs. ^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage."

"I used to date a moonshiner's daughter... She always made me lick her"

"Recent studies have shown that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy"

"I gotta hand it to Stephen Hawking because he can't catch."

"What sound does an octopus make? A squid word."

"How many Fat Acceptance Movement activists does it take to change a light bulb? You don't need to change your bulb. Light or heavy, you are beautiful and worthy of acceptance."

"Date: So what do you do for fun? Me: [Flashes back to me tightly strapping a Rolex around a quail] I love bird watching."

"LPT: If your girl ever asks you which of her friends you want to have a three-way with, DO NOT GIVE HER TWO NAMES!"