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Joke of the Day

"Roller coasters are like your first time having sex. for the amount of time it takes to get there, you wish it lasted longer."

"What would santa be if he was a farmer? A jolly rancher."

"My son cuddled up to my bump and was talking about how he could see the baby and it would have been cute if I were pregnant."

"One day I mixed my girlfriend up with flour and butter then I stirred in some milk and sugar. She's scone now..."

"You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse."

"TIFU Don't know why she legally changed her name to 'Up' though."

"The captcha required for submitting isn't working. Since I post every few days, my human can do them for me. ERROR: CAPTCHA DETECTED."

"Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she'll just let it go."

"How many immigrants. Q) How many immigrants does it take to change a light bulb? A) None. That is our fucking job!"

"My doctor asked me what I use to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases. . . I said: my face."