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Joke of the Day

"How many immigrants. Q) How many immigrants does it take to change a light bulb? A) None. That is our fucking job!"

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool *badum pssssh*"

"So Rene points to Gorgias in the schoolyard and says, ""you're a stupid solipsist..."". ...and Gorgias says, ""I know you are but what I am."""

"Q: How do you make a witch itch? A: Take away her W."

"If Trump wins I'm leaving the country if Clinton wins I'm leaving the country Not a political post, I'm just a pilot so I always travel"

"I'm not flirting with you. I'm just nice. Get over yourself. Except you. You get under me."

"I'm afraid of good looking guys That's why I never keep a mirror in my house."

"Who won the Battle of the Bulge? The guy with the bulge in his sock ..."

"I can't get into Breaking Bad because I have trouble remembering all the little facts. For example: the name of Walter's boss at the car wash. I just need to stop getting Bogdan in the details."

"When life gives you melons... ...you probably have dyslexia."