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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the Harriet Tubman and the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves; the Red Hot Chili Peppers are slaves to the heroin!"

"it would be pretty badass if people never stopped growing and old people were like 30 feet tall. anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk"

"Me: Alexa, are you listening even when I don't say 'Alexa'? Alexa: No, I only listen when you say 'Alexa'. M: Thanks A: Welcome M: Hey!"

"for several hours a day, we are just an arrow floating on a screen"

"Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants."

"How did the German dad scold his son for eating too much frozen dessert? QUIT Haagen-Dazs ICE CREAMS!"

"*walks into the hottest restaurant w/out a reservation* We're fully booked ""Ahem, I'm Yelp reviewer TURDBONER69"" Sorry sir right this way"

"Q: How does a horny guy spell relief? A: B-L-O-N-D-E."

"What is the slowest racehorse in the world ? A clotheshorse !"

"Social media is nice because now we can all experience profound solitude and isolation together."