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Joke of the Day

"Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants."

"If you shout ""I am a STRONG BLACK woman"" in front of the mirror enough times then security comes and drags you out of the Gap changing room."

"Shutdown Apocalypse Update: GPS is down. Using a refrigerator magnet as a compass. I think it's just pointing to another refrigerator."

"Lying is a sin! I heard a woman lied to her husband about sleeping with another man. Now there's a whole religion over it."

"Why did a Stripper run for mayor? Because she did great on the pole"

"[lawyer whispers to plaintiff] two can play this game ""Your honor. Upsexy."" Judge: what's upsexy? ""that's harassment. move to change venues"""

"How many girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know..."

"I bet in Somalia a kid has been like ""I'm so hungry!"" and another's like ""Third world problem!"" and they both laugh and die and stuff."

"What do you call a monkey terrorist? A Baboom!"

"Eric Clapton Did you know Eric Clapton's son was a speed reader? Six stories in 2 seconds."