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Joke of the Day

"A cheers for women's underwear... ...they might not be the best thing, but they are the closest thing to it"

"What's worse than a dead lawyer? A living one."

"The cucumbers are taking over my garden and trying to starve all the other vegetables out. It's a war of nutrition."

"Whenever I see a newspaper on a driveway, left out in the rain, I figure that house just forgot how to read."

"Do you know why they don't have 13th floors on most buildings? Apparently it's because most buildings aren't that tall. No, no that's fine I can show myself out . . ."

"Do you know what really burns my ass? A flame about 3 feet high."

"Good night cop: Want the light on or off? Sweet dreams kiddo. Bad night cop: You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep."

"Why do people hate cliffhangers? Because the suspense is killing them."

"Why are there so many body shops in heaven? Abortion."

"I'm not racist. I just have a problem with people's tone."