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Joke of the Day

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Whatcha dooooin'? 911: Sir, are you in danger? Me: *giggles* You're always so worried, but I'm fine, silly"

"Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher."

"There's a spoiler in the description. There's a spoiler in the title."

"Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze? So that he didn't have to buy a winter coat."

"Dammit I hate when the bus breaks down and I am far and away the most delicious looking passenger."

"I keep swallowing live ammunition. I thought, this time I'm going to go to the hospital, but as usual, I just farted a round at home."

"Why do heavy drinkers usually live longer than light drinkers? Because you thought this was going to be a fat joke, that's why"

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did-in his sleep Not screaming like the passengers in his car."

"Hobbies include: 1. Crying about the past 2. Procrastinating in the present 3. Worrying about the future"

"What do you call a king's fart? Noble gas"