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Joke of the Day

"Art thief. Did you hear about the discerning art thief who burgled the Impressionist exhibit? He was in it for the Monet."

"What's the difference between an Iraqi elementary school, and an Isis hideout? I don't know man, I just fly the drone."

"Nice empty fish tank It'd be a shame if someone were to FILL IT WITH SNAKES! *the terrarium is invented*"

"Last time I was upset, my dog brought me all of his toys and laid on my head."

"Got late on my first day at work, blamed it on Rush Hour. Got late on the 2nd day, Blamed it on Rush Hour 2"

"What did Cinderalla do when she got to the ball? She gagged."

"The boy was so lazy that he got up a bit earlier so that he could do nothing for a bit longer."

"[Sees girl watching Star Wars] ""Oh I love that movie, the way"" *starts to sweat* ""All those stars are at war with each other"""

"My nickname at work is ""HR wants to see you"""

"Good for you when one door closes & another door opens. For the rest of us that usually means we're in jail."