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Joke of the Day

"I don't envy mama birds for how they have to feed their babies, but the pushing them out of the nest part sounds fun."

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"The constant challenge of modern relationships: how to prove more interesting than the other's smartphone."
"According to Proactiv commercials, people with acne are incapable of being happy AND finding love. Tough break, mutants."
"Coworker: I need someone in the backfill position Brain: Do. Not. Say. Anything. Me: um hopefully you fill the gap soon Brain: oh dear"
"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph because he's not a full essay."
"I'm sick of everyone one reddit corecting my spelling."
"Don't you hate it when... ....You're giving a handjob to another guy and he turns out to be a gay ass fagot."
"If I yawn, and the person talking says, 'Sorry for boring you', I graciously accept their apology. Because, manners."
"What do you call a Korean with a dog? ...vegetarian. For the record, I'm Korean and have a dog haha."
"Did you hear about the blonde who put ""Sagittarius"" at the bottom of application forms where it said ""Sign Here""."