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Joke of the Day

"*takes a picture of food for Instagram* Food: delete it"

"It's better to plagiarize from Encarta than from Wikipedia, because people actually read Wikipedia."

"Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it."

"Pants should have to wear pants so they understand why it sucks to wear pants."

"Did you hear that Donald Trump's new hair will cause riots due to its connection to satanic rituals? If he confirms the change, they'll be hell toupee. I'll show myself out."

"What did the geologist say when he got a rock for his birthday? I appreciate the sediment."

"I've kept my New Year's resolutions. 1680x1050 and 1280x800."

"It's quaint when a company publishes a fax number on their website's contact page. It's like finding a Walkman at a flea market."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man? None!"

"What did the Florida boy have on his feet? Crocs"