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Joke of the Day

"*takes a picture of food for Instagram* Food: delete it"

"Why was the lesbian mad when she got her report card? Cause she got a D"

"If you ever need anything, just ask. But also, please never need anything."

"Me: I have a secret *I take off my wig* Her: I don't care still I love you *I smile, take off my bald cap* Me: you passed the final test"

"I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea."

"My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?"

"How did Jesus get so ripped? By doing Crossfit"

"So, I was waiting in line for Pho, and my buddy called me asking where I was. For some reason, he was offended when I said ""Pho Queue."""

"I heard a woman remarking that she had worn ""the wrong bra today"". Ladies, as long as there are boobs in it, the bra is always right."

"TIL that there are over 1 million battered women in the US. And I've been eating mine plain! Who knew?"