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Joke of the Day

"*takes a picture of food for Instagram* Food: delete it"

"You said you wanted a video of me eating a banana. Nothing about me not slicing it. YOU'RE WELCOME."

"Why was the scarecrow promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field!"

"I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you're talking about BABIES?"

"My marriage is like a game of cards It started out with two hearts and a diamond, now all I want is a club and a spade."

"What type of jokes don't work Dark jokes."

"A Santa joke. So what does a pimp and Santa have in common? They both go Ho Ho Ho I'll see myself [out] (http://i.imgur.com/9gdyd.gif)"

"why did my wife didn't like her jewellery? cuz she is a nazi"

"As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies. That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass."

"Two men of African American descent are standing on the edge of a dock, peeing into the lake. The first man says, ""Water's cold today huh?"" The second one replies, ""Yeah...and deep too."""