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Joke of the Day

"I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why."

"Want to piss off a female archeologist? Show her a used tampon and ask what period it's from. Wakka wakka!"

"What do women and bass guitars have in common? You have to slap them for people to think you're a good player"

"My default emotion is irrational rage."

"Believe everything your tv tells you (sponges can talk, turtles eat pizza, love is real)"

"How accurate is the Bible? 100% at short range"

"What batteries do turtles use? Durashells"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Con ! Con who? Con unhinged !"

"My New Year's resolution is to cut back on my drinking... One fifth a day, max."

"You only miss something when you notices something is gone... Only now I realise how many words requires the letter W because my keyboard can't type 'W'."