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Joke of the Day

"My New Year's resolution is to cut back on my drinking... One fifth a day, max."

"A man walks into a barn The horse says, ""Why the wrong place?"""

"What do you call a pimp with his whores? A guard and hoes."

"My wife decided to take up painting Not to be outdone, I became an art critic."

"What do Jedi sheep sound like? Dagobah."

"Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares their dogs too much!"

"Told to me by my 8 year old daughter: Knock knock. Who's there? Awkward silence. Awkward silence who? ... I see what you did there..."

"I lost 50 pounds by having my wallet stolen in London AND YOU CAN TOO"

"I would tell you a joke about pizza... ...but it would be too goddamn cheesey."

"How come the Government knows when I don't file my taxes, and when I leave the country, and when I take a shit - but still needs a census?"