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Joke of the Day
"What batteries do turtles use? Durashells"
Next Joke
"Since I'm home alone tonight, I'm carrying around the biggest kitchen knife I could find. You know, to stab any murderers who come for me."
"I heard about this new sex position that I really want to try. It's called: With another person."
"Speed Dating Tell me something about yourself I have 3 cats What do u do for fun I have 3 cats What are you most proud about I have 3 Next"
"Punthagorean Theorem A and B are pretty square, but get to the root of C and you'll find he's always high, pot in use."
"What does Sonic say when's he on a diet Gotta go fast!!"
"Boss: Are you high? Me: [trying to photocopy a dog] are you a cop?"
"A football joke Jose Mourinho"
"Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns. Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins. Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns."
"iPhone 5s fitted with fingerprint recognition. I'll sleep easier knowing that if my phone gets stolen, they'll likely chop off my hand too."