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Joke of the Day

"My nephew: ""Sometimes it gets puffy and I can't pee"" Me: ""Yeah, unfortunately when you get older it gets puffy and you can't think"""

"when asked about the future of artificial intelligence.... some people say it will be a catastrophic cataclysmic calamity.... and some people say that's what she said."

"I always put both of my arms inside of my shirt when I'm pulled over because most officers will go easy on drivers who don't have any arms."

"Surgeon: I'll be taking out your appendix today Me: [stomach rumbles] Surgeon: [puts stethoscope to my tummy] Appendix: I have a boyfriend"

"(gym) Me: *tries to lift dumbbell *drops it Trainer: COME ON! IT'S NOT THAT HEAVY! Me: I know, it's just this KFC grease making it slip"

"I cut myself while shaving... Because who... has time... for both. ~Jim Hamilton"

"Just when I think I'm 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots."

"Did you hear about the tumblr user who wrote a play about foxes? They called it Fennec-Kin's Wake"

"Very Cheesy Joke Friend : Hey dude did you see that thing i posted on /r/pcmasterrace? Me : Yeah I ""readit"" (reddit)"

"If I had a dollar for every time Hillary said ""making the economy work for everyone, not just those at the top""... ...the economy would work for me."