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Joke of the Day

"I always put both of my arms inside of my shirt when I'm pulled over because most officers will go easy on drivers who don't have any arms."

"A dialogue between Russians. -Guys, maybe we should stop drinking. -We allready did. We're getting wasted now!"

"[ This one from the great /u/KingOfRibbles ] ""My sink was a bit dirty-"" ""-but all it needed was a little ...wiping!!!"""

"An Englishman an Irishman & a Scotsman... An Englishman an Irishman & a Scotsman get into a cab. The driver turns around and says ""Sorry gents I'm Muslim, I can't take a joke."""

"What did the leper say to the hooker? You can keep the tip."

"Guess who I ran into when I went to get my glasses. Everybody"

"Take a day off. Pamper yourself. Visit a spa. Pour melted wax on ur body. Rip the hair out by the roots. Inject poison into ur face. Relax."

"What do you get if you cross a Rolls Royce with a vampire? A monster that attacks expensive cars and sucks out their gas tanks."

"Girl you got more red flags than a well played game of minesweeper"

"What happens to gay horses when they die? They become ""super"" glue!"