2140

Joke of the Day

"Just when I think I'm 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots."

"""Daddy, how do stars die?"" ""Drugs, normally."""

"Homeless people's dogs must think, ""Damn, this is the longest walk ever!"""

"A man, his son, and their dog walk into a bar. ""Ouch!"" ""Ouch!"" ""Woof!"""

"THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TO ALL THE BROS ON INSTAGRAM WHO CAN'T AFFORD SHIRTS"

"Who is Gary Johnson? I don't Aleppknow"

"There is only one pretty child in the world... and every mother has it."

"What's the difference between a Slut and a Bitch? A Slut sleeps with everyone A Bitch sleeps with everyone, except you."

"Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO!"

"Confucius say... Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day."