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Joke of the Day

"Surgeon: I'll be taking out your appendix today Me: [stomach rumbles] Surgeon: [puts stethoscope to my tummy] Appendix: I have a boyfriend"

"12 Polacks were about to rape a German girl. She started yelling ""Nein, nein, nein!"" so 3 of them left."

"Why do hippies wear pachouli?? So blind people can hate them to"

"I approve of free range parenting the meat just tastes better."

"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt."

"A farmer won a million dollars playing the lottery, he was really excited looking at his bank account... ...it now showed zero dollars."

"Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now"

"How does Kylo Ren celebrate Father's Day? Solo"

"It's adorable how I write ""beer"" on my shopping list like I'd somehow forget."

"When my girlfriend told me the news, I pushed her out of a thirty-story building. She fell pregnant."