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Joke of the Day

"Him: Favorite workout? Me: Pilates. Him: Why? Me: Because we lay down for an hour."

"i hate when... ...when people ask me where i see myself in 5 years. come on guys, i don't have 2020 vision."

"American Ginny Thrasher won gold in the Olympic shooting contest. When asked where she learned her skills ""in school"" she replied."

"What keeps fish from flying of Niagara Falls? They don't have a pilots license."

"Cop - Have you been drinking? Me - No, just taking my photo with R2D2 here. Cop - Sir that's a fire hydrant."

"Dry January is going really well. Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower."

"[In a cucumber submarine] 1st mate: *inspecting leak* we're taking on saltwater captain Cptn: hm yes looks like we're in quite the pickle"

"What is Weird Al Yankovic's favorite pick up line? Hey, so are you familiar with my parodies? Yeah my PAIR O DEEZ NUTS!!!"

"Why is George Michaels never gonna dance again? His EKG ain't got no rythym"

"I haven't heard anything from my doctor since my ear surgery. Or anyone, for that matter."