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Joke of the Day

"I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"What do you call a German singalong? Follow the lieder!"

"*toddler screaming in car seat* Husband: Sounds like someone needs a nap when we get home. Me: I know. Totally. Wake me up around 4?"

"Did you hear about the the horse that got shot? He's in stable condition."

"The person who invented the word fuck was probably tapped on the shoulder while they had headphones on."

"Burlap pants are coming into fashion, People are just itching to show off the new look."

"What's the difference between you and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks...."

"When people see ghosts, why aren't they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?"

"What's al Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets."

"Ordered ribs so I'd have to put my phone down. Discovered new talent. Pinky scroll"