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Joke of the Day

"God: [returning from year-long sabbatical] So, how's 2016 been? Did you cope OK? Intern who was left in charge: [looks awkward] Yep. Fine."

"This club sucks & tell the DJ to lighten up on the Enigma. SON, YOU PASSED OUT. THIS IS A CATHEDRAL"

"Why do they print nutritional information on Snickers bars? If you don't know candy is bad for you, what are the chances you can read?"

"My friend's spreading rumours about me being schizophrenic. Well, three can play at that game."

"A man learned that every time he reposted a joke on Reddit, he gained a year to live. He was already immortal."

"I've got the eye of the tiger, the heart of the lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"Did you hear the one about the woman who went on a fishing trip with 7 guys... ...and came home with a big red snapper?"

"If I haunt your house after I die and you hear strange noises, I probably just want you to change the TV channel. Please don't ghostbust me."

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year."

"How bout a fortune cookie that tells you not to take advice from shitty dessert."