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Joke of the Day

"I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet was a thing I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either"

"If you ever see me in a restaurant, please approach my table and do your Drunk Uncle impression. Especially if I'm with family or a girl."

"beluga whale backstroke and blowing water http://youtu.be/M6f1vovJTP4"

"Today I was on Crimea St It was flooded."

"I like my coffee how I like my Death Stars: Gigantic, on the Dark Side and powerful enough to destroy a planet."

"*interrupts friends* ""u gotta hear this tweet..Ok.."" *realizes tweet starts with 'action asterisks' & doesnt know how to read that out loud*"

"""Whoever smelt it, dealt it..."" ""...so technically officer, this is YOUR marijuana"""

"I got a job at the circus. I had to circumcise the elephants. The wages weren't great but the tips were enormous."

"What do you call a girl that goes down right after you just met? Ronda Rousey"

"What do you say when trying to catch the elevator? ""Hodor! Hodor!"""