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Joke of the Day

"What's brown and runs around your garden? Your fence."

"me: time to apologize. did you eat the receipt? 8: yup me: ok cause if mom finds out we bought these flowers at the grocery store we're dead"

"I started wearing nicotine patches as a way of easing myself into a smoking habit."

"Some people won't stop complaining about Steam's new updates... ... I guess they just can't see the Big Picture. (Just thought of this and wanted to share.)"

"What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? The rabbi cuts them off, the priest sucks them off."

"idon't know what to say honsetly :\ ....00100 :D hey evrey body fuck yu !!"

"What type of wrists are the scariest? Terror wrists."

"It's fun being a philosophy major I get to reflect on why I can't pay for food"

"""What kind of dog is this?"" ""Well actu.."" ""Hes cute"" *pets it* ""Sir thats my.."" *picks it up* ""Your a good dog arent you?"" ""PUT MY SON DOWN"""

"Did you hear about the most recent FIFA scandal? Turns out Lionel was a little Messi in his financial records."