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Joke of the Day

"me: time to apologize. did you eat the receipt? 8: yup me: ok cause if mom finds out we bought these flowers at the grocery store we're dead"

"What do you get when you dry out a Stark? Raisin Bran"

"There's a spoiler in the description. There's a spoiler in the title."

"How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?"

"""These mushrooms aren't poisonous!"" - Somebody's last words"

"One of my lamps has a light bulb which has outlasted my past 7 relationships."

"The definition of irony; Not knowing the difference between a definition, and an example."

"What does Jeb Bush say on the toilet? Please crap"

"Life is like a box of chocolates... If you end up with brown sticky fingers, you're doing it wrong."

"Don't believe everything you think."