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Joke of the Day

"I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet I know it's raining!"

"What do a thong bikini and Donald's Trump's hair have in common. They both barely cover the asshole. (gota give Seth Myer credit for this one)."

"Mariah Carey'a New Year's performance. That's it..."

"Probably the worst part about being a snail is how you can't put salt on your French fries."

"Hey girl, are you a repost? Because I fucking hate you and wish you didn't exist."

"What do you call those things that get fluff off a sweater? Women"

"Why did the Jedi take his MIDI controller into the pool. He wanted to increase his MIDI chlorine count?"

"I named my dog Syndrome So every time he jumps on people I can shout: ""Down Syndrome!"""

"My wife and I were having a bad fight when I looked down on the counter and saw a coffee mug that read 'domestic violence ends with me'... So I hit her with that."

"I went to see a night of XXX short films! Imagine my disappointment when it was just 30 Roman movies."