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Joke of the Day

"Fastening a pendant around my son's neck before dying for him, ""Keep this always. The audience won't recognize you as an adult without it"""

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"Did you blow bubbles when you were a kid? Of course you did. I saw him the other day at the mall making balloon animals. He says hi."
"If you were arrested for masturbating on a plane... ....they would have to charge you with hi-jacking"
"What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight rises."
"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on it's own? Because it was two tired."
"Ariel was a minor and couldn't sign a legally binding contract. You'd think the king of the ocean's lawyers could get that shit thrown out."
"Prince Charles faces strong criticism while visiting Saudi Arabia... One onlooker was heard bellowing, ""Look at the ears on that!"""
"Welcome to Facebook. Please choose your category: Comedian, Philosopher, Protester, or Drama Queen."
"What's another word for ""thesaurus""? Steven Wright joke, iirc."
"New clothing store seen at local Mall named 'Off Topic'. Apparently it's aimed at edgy teens with ADHD."