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Joke of the Day

"What's an emo's favorite game? Russian roulette, except with a full chamber."

"[customs] ""Passport?"" *I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out* ME: OH NO OH GOD *still rummaging through bag* ME: I've forgotten it"

"I wish Kristen from finance would tell us her husband was an ""attorney"" one more time so I could feel better about shitting in her purse."

"Why can't deer get marred? Because they can't elope"

"9. You can fit 9 cats inside an acoustic guitar."

"I said to the wife, ""I'm horny."" ""What you want me to do?"" ""Have sex with me."" ""Oh, really?"" ""No, just joking,"" I laughed. ""I just wanted to give you a headache."""

"8 hrs sleep: So refreshed 6 hrs: Feeling fine 4 hrs: I will rip your head off for a minor transgression 2 hrs: Why is my boss a Minotaur"

"Do girls budget their tears so they don't dehydrate & other legitimate questions"

"What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur? Sir Lunchalot."

"So many girls look so cute and pretty when they cry then there's me where i look like a dying horse"