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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why beer companies bother with an expiration date... it's never going to make it anywhere near that."

"I was being recruited for suicide bombing... I asked the recruiter, ""what are the perks of being a suicide bomber?"" And he replied, ""well, for starters, you get to go all over the place!"""

"Where do bears store their military weapons? In bearracks."

"I have a new low score on the Wells Fargo game I downloaded on my iPhone."

"What's the difference between the holocaust and killing 5 black men? 5,999,997"

"What did the boy with no hands get for christmas? Gloves! Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet."

"Sorry neighbor who's choking to death, my cat's resting his little head on my leg. This, like, never happens."

"Kidnapping is such a strong word, I prefer to think of it as Surprise Adoption"

"What is the Pillsbury doughboy's wife's favorite snack? Doughnuts."

"""Hey sorry Im overprotective, guess I just get nervous since I watched OUR FAMILY GET MURDERED!"" -What the dad on Finding Nemo shouldve said"